How to Start Writing a Memoir: A Beginner’s Guide

Maybe you have told the same stories at family dinners for years, and someone finally said, “You should write this down.” Maybe something happened to you that you need to understand on paper. Either way, the hardest part of a memoir is usually the first page, because a whole life feels too big to begin.

The good news: you do not have to write your whole life. Here is how to start writing a memoir as a complete beginner, one manageable step at a time.

Memoir vs autobiography

Knowing what a memoir is, and is not, takes a lot of pressure off.

Memoir, autobiography and personal essay compared

	Memoir	Autobiography	Personal essay
Scope	one theme, period or experience	a whole life	one idea or moment
Order	whatever serves the story	usually chronological	free
Feels like	a novel that happens to be true	a record	a conversation
Typical length	60,000 to 90,000 words	often longer	1,000 to 7,000 words

In short, a memoir is a story from your life, told with a point. That is why people who are not famous write wonderful memoirs: readers come for the experience and the voice, not the name on the cover.

Step 1: Find your theme

A theme is the question your memoir explores. It decides which memories belong in the book and which stay out. Try finishing one of these sentences:

• “This is the story of how I learned to…”
• “This is the year everything changed, because…”
• “This is what it was really like to…”

Caring for a parent, leaving a religion, emigrating, recovering from illness, growing up on a farm that no longer exists: each is a theme, not a life. If you are writing mainly for your children or grandchildren, your theme can be as simple as “where our family came from”.

Step 2: Build a memory list

Before you write prose, make a list. Give yourself a week and jot down every memory connected to your theme, one line each. Prompts help:

1. The first time you realised something was different.
2. A room you remember in detail. What did it smell like?
3. An argument you still replay.
4. Something someone said that you never forgot.
5. An object you kept, and why.
6. The moment you knew there was no going back.

Old photos, letters, diaries and conversations with siblings will shake loose more. Note where your memory is uncertain; honesty about that is part of the genre.

Step 3: Choose a structure

Most first memoirs work well with one of four shapes:

• Chronological: tell it in order. Simple, clear and perfectly respectable.
• Frame: open in the present, then go back to tell how you got there.
• Thematic: chapters organised by subject (food, work, faith) rather than time.
• Braided: two timelines that alternate and meet near the end.

If you are unsure, choose chronological. You can always rearrange chapters once the draft exists. Sort your memory list into rough chapters under your chosen structure, and you have an outline.

Step 4: Write your first scene

Do not start at your birth. Start close to the moment your story turns, inside a specific scene: a place, a time, people talking, something at stake. Write it the way you would tell it to a friend, then add what your senses remember: the cold of the hospital corridor, the radio playing in the kitchen.

Write in your own voice. A memoir that sounds like you, with your humour and your turns of phrase, is worth more than one that sounds “literary”.

Writing about real people

Every memoir includes other people, and that is often what makes first-time memoirists freeze. Anne Lamott put the case for telling your truth memorably in Bird by Bird:

You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.

— Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird

Still, a little care goes a long way. Write your first draft freely, as if no one will read it. Before you share or publish, consider changing names and identifying details, sticking to what you witnessed rather than guessing at others’ motives, and showing sensitive passages to the people involved. Privacy and defamation law differ between countries, so if you plan to publish something about identifiable people that could harm their reputation, talk to a lawyer.

How long is a memoir?

Memoirs aimed at bookshops typically run about 60,000 to 90,000 words, similar to a novel; see how long a novel is, by genre for comparison. A family memoir written for relatives can be any length. Twenty thousand honest words that your grandchildren will treasure is a finished book.

At 400 words a session, five days a week, a 70,000-word memoir draft takes about eight or nine months. For the full step-by-step process, from idea to finished manuscript, see how to write a book for the first time.

Memoir FAQ

What is the difference between a memoir and an autobiography?

An autobiography covers a whole life, usually in chronological order. A memoir focuses on one theme, period or experience from the author’s life and reads more like a story.

How long should a memoir be?

Memoirs written for the trade market usually run about 60,000 to 90,000 words. A family or legacy memoir can be any length that tells the story well.

Do I need permission to write about people in my memoir?

Generally you can write truthfully about your own experiences, but privacy and defamation laws vary by country. Many memoirists change names and identifying details and share passages with the people involved. For specific concerns, speak to a lawyer.

Where should a memoir start?

Start close to the moment your story turns, not at your birth. Open with a specific scene that shows the central tension of the book.

Can I write a memoir if I am not a writer?

Yes. Clear, honest writing in your own voice matters more than technique. Short regular sessions and a simple outline will carry you a long way.

Cover image: letter from Thomas S. Hawley to his family, 1861, via Wikimedia Commons, public domain.